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Adam Sandler
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The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
'And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian.'
Valedictorian: 'I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.'
Buffoon: 'This movie sucks shit!'
Valedictorian: 'Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly.'
Buffoon: 'Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!'
Valedictorian: 'Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?' Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com
Buffoon: 'I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off.'
Valedictorian: 'Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.'
Buffoon: 'That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.'
Valedictorian: 'Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.'
[Buffoon eating popcorn] Buffoon: 'This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it.' [Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
Valedictorian: 'Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.'
Buffoon: 'I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!'
Valedictorian: 'It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
Buffoon: 'My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!'
Valedictorian: 'It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism.'
Buffoon: 'I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl.' [Gets out of the car]
Valedictorian: 'Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.' [Buffoon walking away] 'I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.'
Buffoon: 'I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!'
Valedictorian: 'Bye bye! Have fun.' [Buffoon continues to walk away]
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